Have you heard of the 7:1 Rule of Coaching?
The 7:1 Rule suggests that you give 7 pieces of positive feedback for each piece of developmental feedback. It may seem like you are treating your kids like an employee but that’s alright. When raising your kids you have to think of yourself as a manager or a leader. That’s exactly what you are.
What are the benefits of Positive Reinforcement?
Better Results and Outcomes
Think of the times when people have used positive reinforcement with you. How has it made you feel? Weren’t you more likely to keep up with the task at hand? More likely to try to make the person giving you the positive reinforcement more impressed and proud? Of course you were!
You won’t be seen as overly critical.
Sometime you are going to criticize. It’s just a natural think humans do. But if you adhere to the 7:1 Rule you will not be seen as someone who ALWAYS criticizes. Your children will be more comfortable trying new things without the fear of being criticized for messing up. On top of that they will also have the knowledge that when they do mess up they will still have your support.
You show your kids that you notice what they do right.
Again, think of yourself and a time when you were heavily criticized. You probably felt that the person criticizing you only saw they things you did wrong. By offering more positive reinforcement you show your kids that although they do make some mistakes, you are aware of the many things they do right.
What are the downsides of a lot of criticism?
Your kids will start to resent you.
Have you read Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People“? It’s a gem. Not only for the purposes of business but also for the purposes of personal relationships. I would recommend at least checking out the audio book.
Carnegie suggests that heavy doses of criticism offers nothing in the way of building relationships and character. In fact, your children will begin to resent you. How could they not? No one likes to be criticized. Especially by someone they love and admire.
You will turn your kids into critics.
I heard a great quote recently from Stephen Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) who was being interviewed by Tony Robbins. I can’t recall if it was Covey’s thought or if he was just repeating what he had heard but the quote was “when you are raising your children you are also raising your grandchildren.”
That idea blew me away. The thoughts and feelings you are putting into the minds and hearts of your children will stick with them. So much so that they will pass it on to your grandchildren. Be very aware of what you do and say.
I think it’s time we take ownership of how we are acting towards our kids. Using positive reinforcement will help us get more out of children. It will help us create a better relationship with our children and it will help them create better relationships with their friends as well.
My name is Keith Laskey. I actually believe children are our future. I write articles about how we can empower our youth so that the world will be a better place for all of us.